Unhappy Hour!!

There are few things I hate more, fine, as much as, happy hours with full-priced food. It’s an m-fing trap, one that people gleefully and optimistically amble into.

Yes, ecstatic and unassuming people rush out of their high-rises to said “happy" hour for a Bargain Basement night, only to be ripped the BEEP off with Needless Markup!!

I will admit, I’ve walked into such a tricky, tricky trap many times. Sometimes I am lured by the proximity of the locale, and other times, I just feel overwhelmed by a wealth of healthy and vital brain cells.

So, fraught with emotion and insecurity, I run into the arms of any accepting “happy" hour.

I mean.. why think when you can drink, am I right??? (As I toast to whomever is equally obnoxious around me) ---------------------->

Wrong.

That “happy hour” is going to take advantage of you, if you don’t define what you want from the onset of your relationship.

Ohh they think they’re clever, luring you with cheap booze, but I am cleverer!!!

A true happy- inducing-hour, should include, but not be limited to the following:

A. Cheap drinks
B. Cheap appetizers,
C. Compared to the late night scene, a slightly less douche-ified patronage, assuming it’s an after work crowd that didn’t pregame at the office.

Let’s break down this scene, with that objective in mind.

The protagonist, after her long day at work dealing with a bunch of jerks, for stereotypically low pay, just wants to meet up with her friends during happy hour, because it would be the most economical and expedient way to let off some steam.

How is she going to achieve her objective? Through force? Seduction? Emotion?

No, through logic, with some old school deductive reasoning, biotch!

Drinking= Hunger
Hunger= $
$ = bitching about lack of $
Bitching = NOT HAPPY AT HAPPY HOUR!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

And thus, the vicious, unforgiving circle.

So what have we learned here today kids? Do some research. Don’t let those jerks falsely advertising a “happy" hour fool you.

They’re just trying to get you sloshed so you’ll put out… more cash… when that’s exactly what you promised yourself you wouldn’t do!!

Keep your wallet closed. Don’t let your guard down. Citysearch it, google it, word o mouth it. Just use your brain, dumbass.

There are plenty of veritably inexpensive, genuine happy hours ( a $1.95 Burger and fries at McCormick and Schmitts) to keep you from those bad boy liar ASSHOLES (overcrowded, smells like horse excrement, Cabo Cantina)

Think. Then Drink. As much as you please.